Reflecting

I actually wrote this post a few months ago and never posted it.  I came across it today (as I was playing around trying to figure out how to put the baby ticker thingy up on the page!) and it was just so fitting for how I've been feeling lately that I had to share. 


And really, now that pregnancy hormones are getting tossed into the mix as well, I've been a bit unhinged.


I needed to read this today, and I hope it shines a little light for you too!


Love and Grace to all of you :)
~K

 

I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately.


I think I've let myself get too caught up in the 'what do we need to do today??', and not let myself have enough...time.  Space.  Freedom.  I've been telling myself that so many other things are Really Important, and not taking the time for what is actually important.


What this has translated to, in practical terms, is less time spent with my bible, less time doing devotions (even though I found a devotional that I love), and a lot of time spent in floundering prayer.  And while there's nothing wrong with prayer, I could really use a lot less of the floundering feeling I've had.


I realised a few weeks ago that what he has been trying to tell me is that I need to stop moving.  Stop doing for the sake of doing.  That laundry, while necessary, does not have to be done Right This Moment.  He's been telling me to go about my business, but please, oh please, make my business about him.  Please, please peek around, and notice him, everywhere.


This is a journal entry that I recently unearthed as I was cleaning out some files on the computer.  And I think this is where he is leading me back to.

August 21, 2011

It is Sunday evening, and as I sit here I am just filled.  I feel so full and yet I want more.  I feel like there is a string attached to me, drawing me, tugging on me, pulling me closer and closer to His word.  And I can’t get enough.  Sometimes I’ll start reading one thing, and think of or see a reference to something else, something I haven’t read yet and I feel like I have to go read it right now.  I can’t get enough, and I can’t get it fast enough.  I wonder if the enemy doesn’t sometimes use a passion like that for evil.  How?  By not letting me be still long enough to truly ingest anything.  Not fully.  So today, as I feel so filled with love, and friendship, a desire for servanthood, and an insatiable need for more of His word, I pray for peace.  An inner peace.  The ability to slow down and believe that God will grant me what I need in order to learn what I need to learn, and to serve where I need to serve.  I pray that with this peace, comes stillness inside.  I want a simple faith.  I feel so excited about everything that I don’t know where to begin.  Except that I know exactly where to begin.  In Him.  In His word, and wrapped up in His love.


Each time I'm feeling lost and out of my element, he keeps giving me reminders to turn back to him, to keep looking for him.  He won't lead me astray.


"My world is your classroom.  My word is a lamp to your feet and a light for your path."
from Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young