From My Husband

Don was scheduled to write a devotion for his Emmaus meeting last night.  He's never done this before, and I was excited to see what the Lord put on his heart.

He was led to tackle a topic that is extremely difficult for him.  I was so delighted to see him turn to this scripture as his work schedule has become more and more demanding, and as his responsibilities outside of work have increased.

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you."  Psalm 116:7
 

We are not as unstoppable as we like to think.  We are not capable of finishing our creations in a day, a week, or - as with remodeling my master bathroom - even within a year.  We eventually have to succumb to closing our eyes for at least a little while.

We have to acknowledge our limitations and rest before springing up again for our work.  Our progress comes in halting steps, our work never quite finished.

God created the world in six days...and then rested.  But we will need the next seven precious days to rest before the real work begins.

But there is much to do!  I have to make-up for time away from work, time away from home, time away from family, time away from our other commitments.  Our very human nature cries out for us to double-down now, to burn the candle at both ends, to spend the next seven days completely expending our energy before the more-important task of being His vehicle to change lives.

Is working into a frenzy now really trusting God with our lives?  Or is that placing our faith in our own prowess and planning, our ability to endure hardship alone?  Is that offering our very best to the Holy Spirit...or just the left-overs?

God gave us whatever stamina and capacities we have, but let me offer you this charge:

Trust in the Lord.  No, REALLY trust in the Lord.  Use these next seven days to pour your time into relationships, not the "honey-do" list.  Build-up those whom you love and be strengthened by their love in return.  Believe that He "gives to His beloved even in his sleep" (Psalm 127:2).

So what happens when we get so busy that we don't rest?  The command to "be at rest" is not just for our benefit.  Rest is not a guilty pleasure we have to sneak or hide.  Our energy level will wind down until we are forced to acknowledge that we cannot engineer our loves as much as we would like to think.  Sometimes, I find that to be a hard pill to swallow.

Acknowledging that weakness allows God to make us a promise in Matthew 11:28:  "Come to me...and I will give you rest."  You just may find that your burden is a bit lighter.  That comes in Matthew 11:29...

I intend to do just that and, once my battery is charged, give it all back to Him next weekend.  I invite you to do the same and - together - I think we will be amazed at the results.

De Colores.


I needed this reminder.  I fall into the trap of resting not really being restful.  But it is so important to take the time to actually find rest in the Lord.  Remember to spend some time with Him today.

Peace to you all, and have a marvelous weekend my friends :)

The Caffeine Cup

Yesterday was insane.  Insane in a good way, but crazy nonetheless.

We spent three hours at Easton with some awesome friends.  There aren't many ways to start your day that are better than spending hours in the company of great people.

After spending approximately 30 minutes at home (long enough to change Henry, empty the pool bag of wet things, and empty the cooler) we tore out of the house so that I could make it to a baby appointment on time.  Kids were bummed that they didn't get to come, but hey, there were cartoons and Olympics.  Aunt Maggie is awesome and had some cool diving recorded :)

So after the appointment (and, by the way, baby is there, right where it's supposed to be!) we had a little time to breathe.  This also gave me time to realize that it was 4:30, we were in Lancaster, and I had to have the kids fed and in Pickerington by 6:30 to pick up Don and head to the church.

This is also the time that I realized I couldn't ignore the migraine any longer.

I was desperate, and I headed to McDonald's with Henry in tow.  Henry thinks it's so cool when he's the only kid in the car.

Fortunately for me, my doctor had just confirmed my theory that Extra Strength Tylenol + caffeine is about the best you can do when you're pregnant.  In his words, 'Pop some pills and grab a double-shot of espresso'.  I love my doctor.

McDonald's (or McDonald's House, as Henry has started calling it) doesn't serve espresso.  Hmmm...I ended up getting a coffee AND a Dr.Pepper, because in my expert medical opinion that was about as close as I could get to an espresso.  Aren't I smart?  :)

Henry kept asking me on the way back to the house, 'Can I have some your drink?'  I would tell him no.  'Why not?!'  Because it's pop, and you don't need the caffeine.  'Mama, what caffeine?'  Caffeine is a chemical.  'Mama, you need chemicals?'  Yes, yes I do.  Pause for silence while Henry is thinking...

'Mama, I have some of your caffeine cup?'  I couldn't help but laugh.  I told him 'no', and then he asked if when he was big like me (thank you very much) he could have his own caffeine cup.  Sure thing buddy :)


I realize that this post is nowhere near insightful or witty, but my kids crack me up. 

Between Henry and the caffeine cup...
Gwennie telling me that she's praying for 12 kids when she grows up (so she can have them attack her brothers, she says)...
John's complicated and intricate plans for everything under the sun...
and Jimmy thinking that he's 14...

...life has been crazy.  Crazy and delightful and full of reminders that I am not, by any means, the one in control.  Insights into their little minds remind me that they are little people too, with thoughts and opinions all their own.  Wonderfully made creations that are a joy to watch grown and develop, even when they are at each others throats.

Oh, and even though the day was insane, we got to end it in worship with a huge group of new friends and old, being reminded of the crazy love that surrounds us all.  How cool is that?

And thankfully, there is always that caffeine cup to help me through the tough days :)

Reflecting

I actually wrote this post a few months ago and never posted it.  I came across it today (as I was playing around trying to figure out how to put the baby ticker thingy up on the page!) and it was just so fitting for how I've been feeling lately that I had to share. 


And really, now that pregnancy hormones are getting tossed into the mix as well, I've been a bit unhinged.


I needed to read this today, and I hope it shines a little light for you too!


Love and Grace to all of you :)
~K

 

I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately.


I think I've let myself get too caught up in the 'what do we need to do today??', and not let myself have enough...time.  Space.  Freedom.  I've been telling myself that so many other things are Really Important, and not taking the time for what is actually important.


What this has translated to, in practical terms, is less time spent with my bible, less time doing devotions (even though I found a devotional that I love), and a lot of time spent in floundering prayer.  And while there's nothing wrong with prayer, I could really use a lot less of the floundering feeling I've had.


I realised a few weeks ago that what he has been trying to tell me is that I need to stop moving.  Stop doing for the sake of doing.  That laundry, while necessary, does not have to be done Right This Moment.  He's been telling me to go about my business, but please, oh please, make my business about him.  Please, please peek around, and notice him, everywhere.


This is a journal entry that I recently unearthed as I was cleaning out some files on the computer.  And I think this is where he is leading me back to.

August 21, 2011

It is Sunday evening, and as I sit here I am just filled.  I feel so full and yet I want more.  I feel like there is a string attached to me, drawing me, tugging on me, pulling me closer and closer to His word.  And I can’t get enough.  Sometimes I’ll start reading one thing, and think of or see a reference to something else, something I haven’t read yet and I feel like I have to go read it right now.  I can’t get enough, and I can’t get it fast enough.  I wonder if the enemy doesn’t sometimes use a passion like that for evil.  How?  By not letting me be still long enough to truly ingest anything.  Not fully.  So today, as I feel so filled with love, and friendship, a desire for servanthood, and an insatiable need for more of His word, I pray for peace.  An inner peace.  The ability to slow down and believe that God will grant me what I need in order to learn what I need to learn, and to serve where I need to serve.  I pray that with this peace, comes stillness inside.  I want a simple faith.  I feel so excited about everything that I don’t know where to begin.  Except that I know exactly where to begin.  In Him.  In His word, and wrapped up in His love.


Each time I'm feeling lost and out of my element, he keeps giving me reminders to turn back to him, to keep looking for him.  He won't lead me astray.


"My world is your classroom.  My word is a lamp to your feet and a light for your path."
from Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young 

Just a little reminder

Don't forget to marvel in the little things today people.

Henry had to wash his hands this morning after digging in the dirt, and I've never seen anyone so in awe as this boy is of water running out of a faucet.

Go wiggle your toes in the dirt, splash in some water, watch dandelion seeds float away, or spy on a bug and watch it crawl.

Take some time and simply marvel at our world :-)

Rebel Heart

I heard a song the other day, 'White Flag' by Chris Tomlin.

First of all, I love his music.  Love it.  So it's pretty likely that I'm gonna like whatever new song he comes out with, but this one really touched a nerve with me.  Touched a nerve in that good kind of painful way. 

I've been battling inside my own head and heart for the last few weeks, not bothering to ask for his help.  And he's been watching, waiting patiently for me to remember, again, that I cannot possibly win this by myself, that I cannot beat myself into submission.  Waiting for me to remember how much he wants to step in and help me, but like a gentleman, waits to be invited into the fray and dives in headfirst as soon as he gets the nod.

These are the words that got me all off-balance:

'We cannot win this fight
Inside our rebel hearts
We're laying down our weapons now

We raise our white flags
We surrender all to you
All for you
We raise our white flag
The war is over
Love has come
Your love has won'

There is no shame in surrendering to him, letting his love wash over you. 

You just have to remember to do it.

His peace be with you all tonight, my friends.

Getting Messy

Spring is finally here!

While everyone is talking about cleaning, I'm not (not that I do very often anyway).  I'm getting messy.

It feels so good to get your hands dirty...

And to wiggle your toes in the mud...

                                                
So I've decided that I'm not cleaning this spring...I'm going to let the Lord do spring cleaning around here.  Let's face it, he's way better at everything, so why not?

Lately I've realized that I need some change.  I've been itching for some change for a while now, but it's just been recently that He's brought to my attention that the change I'm longing for isn't a move, or a change in what I do, it's a change in how I live. 

So I've started praying a little prayer.  That little prayer goes something like, 'Lord, please come mess with me.  Knock down all of these pieces that I've placed so carefully, and build them up your way.  I'm not ready, but please have your way in me.'

That's a scary little prayer, for me anyway.  I like having things just so, and I like being the one in charge of my life.  But that really isn't a good idea. 

Most of the time, when I think I know what I'm doing, I really don't.  I'm just winging it, and it may sound good on the surface, but underneath is a raging sea of doubt and worry and questions.  All of that takes a lot of energy, and honestly, I don't want to spend all of my energy on those things anymore.  So I'm giving it to Him.

Cleaning up and rebuilding takes time, and it gets messy...

                                                                   
                                                                                   Are you ready to get messy?

A Day Off...Sort Of

All of the kids are off of school today.  I've known this for weeks, and have been excitedly planning a trip to...I don't know, somewhere.  We're going somewhere today, darnit!

Or not.  I'm sick, Gwennie's sick, Henry is getting all glassy-eyed and snuffly, there is no way we're making it out of this house today.  I'm a little bummed since I spent all of that time daydreaming about a fun quality-time-filled trip with my four little munchkins.  But that's not going to happen.  Not today.

                                                      Today we're going to lay around like this.

We'll probably have a tea party.  We had one yesterday, but we'll do it again today because our poor, scratchy throats need tea, and it's just better when it's a party.  When I'm not looking Henry will pour his own tea and water the rest of the table with it in the process.  But it's cool, we're sick today.

We'll snuggle and read.  It'll happen in two minute bits throughout the day because that's approximately how long Henry will sit before he climbs into your face demanding something that is vitally important to his well being.

It'll be fun and exhausting.  I'll be praying for my sanity before nap time and wishing for more hours with them at bedtime.

In the end, the awesome part is that we still get to have a day together.  All four of them together, imagining, screaming, creating, crying, and loving. 

I think God let us be sick on purpose.  We needed this time to be together today.  I didn't realize it before, but I'm thankful for it now.

Have a happy day, friends :)

Digging Deep

Sometimes I’m tired, tired to the core, tired of having to yell just to hear myself over the noise, tired of having to physically impede a child’s movement to simply have their attention. 

Kids don’t understand that.  Little ones, sweet as they are, do not magically straighten up and think, ‘Oh!  I’ll bet mom doesn’t want to yell again, I should probably stop and listen.’  They make us keep working, keep digging.  And sometimes all of that work makes me break down and wonder if all of that work is worth it.  Really worth it.

The reward is so much sweeter when seen after the labor.  Digging deep, getting dirty, making mistakes and still coming out on the other side cleaner and with a better perspective, that is what makes things worth the effort. 

It’s great to have a good day, a day you sail right through.  It’s wonderful when things go well, and are easy for us.  But I don’t think that we appreciate them as much without the struggle that so often comes before the peace.

For me, this most often comes with my kids.  Let me start off by saying that by far, my kids are one of the biggest blessings imaginable.  But they are not easy.  They don’t make every waking moment a joy.  Sometimes it’s all I can do to not lock myself in the bathroom with my fingers in my ears and cry quietly to myself.  Then there are the times that I do hide in the bathroom.

I try to tackle each day remembering that the gifts that were entrusted to me are tender little hearts.  I try to remember that it’s my job to raise them, and train them, and teach them, not just to feed and clothe and love them (those are the easy parts).  When I remember this I feel a new sense of purpose.  Feeding their bodies and their spirits, I find that I am no longer locked in a cage with munchkins.  My whole world just opened up.

 

“This ‘Now’ with the children isn’t a cage, it’s the marrow.  Finally I have drilled, and drilled right to the Essence.”  Iris Krasnow

Prayerfully disciplining a child can be a profound moment, if not always for them, then for you.  It's hard to remember that your work and stress are all building towards their future.  To the future person they will be.  I hope that when my kids are older they will look back and think, ‘Wow, they must really love me, because that couldn’t have been easy.’  I hope that they will be thankful, one day, that we didn’t put up with the rude comments, the back talking, or the ‘whatever’ attitude.  I think they will be. 

But when you’re in the trenches, sometimes it’s hard to keep the big picture in mind.  I don't know about you, but most of the time, I just want to make it stop, whatever the current ‘it’ is. 

So I dig deep, pray constantly, and let Him show me His path.  I fail, and I try again.

I really want to just sit back for a while, soak in His plans for me and my children, and then get on with teaching them and raising them.  But that's not how it works.  I can't work out all of the kinks before I begin.

What strengthens me more than anything is remembering that I'm not in the trenches alone.  God himself has the hardest parenting job in the world, the most ungrateful children. 

While He patiently tends to my upbringing, I will try to patiently, prayerfully tend to the delightful little hearts in my care.

A Tasty Kind of Day

Mmmmmm...Today is a delicious day.  The kind of day you can taste as soon as you step out the door. 

In central Ohio it's going to be 50 degrees this afternoon.  As I walked out to my car this morning to take my oldest son to school, he took in a long, deep, savoring breath and said, 'It smells so fresh today!'.  It does, doesn't it?

I wish I'd have that attitude every day, not just after a rainstorm clears the air.  But today, as we near the end of January, it feels like spring.  This month has reinforced for me that anything is possible.

Today, this day, is fresh and new, and anything can happen!

What will happen to you today?

Yesterday was probably my most favorite Sunday.  My husband got up in front of our congregation and shared his story of coming to faith in Jesus.  Our pastor gave one of the most inspiring, and inspired, sermons I've ever heard.  And in the evening, while listening to the chaos of 10 kids playing upstairs, we talked about it, got excited about it, with some of the most lovely people I know.

It feels like yesterday was preparation for today, all clean and shiny and new.

What will happen to you today?

Or perhaps a better question.  What will you make happen today?

"If you can?" said Jesus.  "Anything is possible for him who believes."  Mark 9:23

I Love Your Guts

I love your guts!  That has been our theme for today.  Henry has been saying it to me for days now, and I love it.  I love your guts.  I love even the deep down dark places.  The icky things that little boys love to talk about, like guts.  I like to think that’s how Jesus feels about us.  He loves us no matter what, even our guts. 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

That’s in Romans.  Go to chapter 8, and run your finger down the page until you come to verse 38.  Go ahead and read it, I’ll wait.

I especially like the part that says ‘nor anything else in all creation’.  That’s pretty big.  Nothing, I mean nothing, in all of creation can possibly separate us from the love of God.  Just let that sink in a minute.  Whoa, right?

I think this is something that little kids know instinctively.  We show them love from the minute they are born.  They whine and fuss, throw tantrums and cop attitudes.  We correct them, we hug them, and they know that no matter what, we love them.  People seem to forget this as they grow up.  We all seem to grow out of it or something.  We start thinking that we need to earn love.  We need to do all the right things to deserve it.  But that’s not how it works, is it?  We don't take our love away because someone messes up.  We don't wait to check off boxes while someone earns it.  Neither does He.  Love is a gift.  A free gift to anyone willing to accept it.  Love is God’s free gift to us.  All we have to do is say ‘Yes, please!  Thank you.  I love you too!’

I don’t do all the right things.  Just thinking about the idea of doing the 'right things' makes me laugh!  I mess up all the time.  Not just little stuff like, whoops!  Forgot the laundry.  But the kind of stuff you think about after everyone is asleep.  I lay in bed wondering if I’ve permanently damaged my kids today.  Did I yell too much?  Did I remember to ask for their forgiveness when I lost my mind?  Did I remember to show them just how much I love them?  Did I do enough?  Does He know just how much ick and crud and crap I’m full of?  How could anyone love my guts?  They're gross.

But of course He does.

I wrestle with my doubts.  I scream (mostly in my head) and throw a tantrum in front of God.  I want to know that I’m not in it alone, that we're all not alone.  I want to know that I’m not wading through this ick and crap and crud all by myself.  I want to know that even though the world tears itself apart on a daily basis, He's still there helping us through the sludge.  I want to know that I haven’t screwed up so big that the damage is irreversible.  I want to have my cry, my moment of frustration, or anger, or whatever is called for.  I want to curl up in His lap, and feel his arms hug me.  And I do, and He does.  Big sigh...He’s there, doing that, right now.  He’s there, telling us it’s okay.  We'll get through this. 

I forgive you.  I love your guts.

Isn't that awesome?

A New Year

A new year, a new blog.  Seems like a good plan!  I really hope to use this space to keep up with what's going on in our family.  More than anything, how Christ is growing our faith.  I don't know about you, but having a written account helps me to organize my thoughts and see things more clearly.

I'm not a writer, as you will soon see for yourself.  This won't be a blog filled with any kind of awe-inspiring prose (or verse, for that matter).  I'm just a mama, trying her best to follow Christ, raise a family, and hopefully reach a few people in the process.

I have a simple thought that's been running through my head all day.

      "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth." (Psalm 100:1) 

It's been a happy day.  Despite sending the kids back to school, and my husband back to work, I feel joyful.  And carrying that simple joy around inside all day long is no small thing.  I want this joy to spill out into others.  It's contagious.  It’s supposed to be.  Hopefully it will carry itself into my grumpy second grader when he gets home today :-)  So despite our cares and woes look for the joy, the simple joy that Christ brings to our lives.

Welcome to Thompsonville!  I hope you've had a joyful day :-)